January 13, 2020
Yesterday I completed my 50th lap around the
sun. Most likely half the total laps have
been completed, or more. That doesn’t bother
me too much, I’ve always realized we are a finite. A little troubling is the perception of speed
at which the past 10 years went by. We
have owned this place since Feb 2009. I
passed my 40th in this house, and now like a blink my 50th
has passed. Snap. Just like that.
I have been asking myself…is this all there is? While I like putting in the garden every year,
and usually the outcome is pretty good, I was telling a friend who also
gardens, it starts to feel very repetitive. Hours to days to months to years all
start blurring. Some of the perception might be due to lack of note taking.
Thus, renewing this blog (and keeping more notebooks), but I also think that
our perception of time likely changes with age.
The house remodel/repair looks to have a tiny little light
at the end of the tunnel, so the focus can shift soon to other things. But shift
to what? I’m wondering if I’m making the
right impact on the world, and how to evaluate that and change what needs to be
changed. I thought for a long time I would persist in the biology/conservation
world. But I choose to divert from that by
my own volition and the request of others. I see the natural world burning up
(literally and figuratively) and wonder if I can do more, but struggle with
what that might be.
I’ve been reading some other works about time. I’m realizing that the only thing we possess
that is priceless is our time. We trade
that time for other stuff. We trade it
for experiences, love, companionship, stories, skills, joy, adventure,
security, trinkets, money...and lots of other items of greater or lesser value. Some of these trades are good ones, others are
very backward equations. So, part of the
reflection that happens with age is about these trades. I think most of my trades have been ok, especially
when I think about the most positive ones.
But the perception of fleeting time that comes with these milestone markers
makes it feel as if those trades need to be very high quality from this point
on.
Now that we’ve moved past the black balloons, old person
jokes and cake. What should the next 50
years look like? Immediately perhaps
renewing my first aid and CPR certification just to be safe. Then focus on new
skills. More sailing, Celestial
navigation, plotting and charting.
Actually learning the fretboard. Getting my yoga practice back on track. More breakfasts with friends as early as possible
with eye contact, stories and too much caffeine. Expanding the mind, brain and
soul into genuinely new experiences.
More letter writing and less “social media” Finding efficiencies to the
work around here but remembering it will always be waiting until after the hike. There is so much more and so much time.
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